There is a God
by PigeonWings
Summary: What happens to Krelian during and right after the Xenogears ending? This story fills in the holes.


**There is a God  
**  


**Authors' Notes: ** Well well, my first Xenogears fanfic! And my first fanfic ever written in first person! I'm so proud of myself! It's pretty corny, but I like it well enough to post it up. Hehehe, well I don't really have anymore comments, but I would love feedback, and I hope you enjoy the story.  
**Spoilers:** The entire game.   
**Censor: **G  
**Summary:** What happens to Krelian during and immediately after the end of Xenogears? This story fills in the holes.  
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It was when Fei defeated Urobolous, my final attempt to destroy him, that my sanity began to come back to me. I was now the 'good' Krelian, the Krelian who had befriended Lacan and helped in the war 500 years ago. Memories I had blocked out for such a long time came back to me. As I realized just what I had done to the world in my quest to find God, I felt, for the first time since my normal thoughts had left me, like a piece of pond scum. _What have I done to the world?//, _I thought to myself._ Have I ruined it for everyone?  
_  
The gears had stopped working, many had died, and the world was now nothing but a a hideout made from the once proud city, Shevet. This was all my doing. I had done terrible things and committed too many sins over the last 500 years. There was no hope for me and, I thought, for anyone else. _I must close my eyes, so as not to see the world die_, I thought in sadness as I shielded my eyes.  
  
"Krelian, wake up!" came a voice. "Everything is all right. We will go down to the world together." I looked up at him and noticed that the Wave Existence was, indeed moving away from earth. But, in my sadness, I realized I could never go to earth again after all I had done. _ It is my time to die,_ I thought with sadness. But, before I left, I did something for Fei. I changed Miang, the evil one, back into Elly. There would never again be another Miang. Fei and Elly, after many lives of sadness and death, could finally live in peace.  
  
Elly. She had been my one true love, first as Sophia and now as her present self. It had been my unrequited love for Sophia and her suicide to save us 500 years ago that had driven me into madness. Ever since then, I had never trusted love. Love created too much sadness, too much heartbreak. It was only now, when I saw the love between Fei and Elly, that I realized what a wonderful thing love could be. I smiled at them, a smile they could not see, as I went to the surface of the Zohar Modifier and gazed out at the sun.  
  
_I suppose I will live here forever_, I thought. _Never can I truly die, because I cannot be forgiven. This is where I stay for the rest of my days._ As I was somewhat lost in my thoughts, I noticed Fei and Elly appearing to be headed for Xenogears. However, I was shocked to see them take a turn and head toward my direction. _They'll get themselves killed_, I thought in horror. But eventually they reached me. It was Elly who spoke first.  
  
"Krelian, come with us," she said in her soft, gentle voice. "You are a good man." I looked sadly at her. She was physically beautiful, even unclothed as she was, and possessed a beautiful spirit.  
  
"Elly, I cannot," I replied uncomfortably. "It is my time to die. All I can do is hope that the world will heal without me." It was Fei who spoke up next.  
  
"If it is your time to die, why are you so sad?" he asked me. "I do not understand."  
  
I sadly told them the terrible truth. "I have committed many sins. Since you have killed our God, Deus, there is no one to forgive me. I must live like this forever...not alive, but not dead. This is the true meaning of hell."  
  
Fei's brown eyes looked down, with a pitiful expression on his face. But it was Elly who began crying for me. "I am sorry," she whispered.  
  
"Do not pity me, dear one" I told her. "Go home and rebuild the world with Fei and your friends. Don't cry for me, for you will soon have forgotten about me."  
  
In response to my comment, Elly did not say anything. Instead, with her teary eyes, she walked over and kissed me. "I will never forget you," she cried. Fei, meanwhile, was still looking at the scene. Yes, Elly was a saint. But even her kiss could do nothing to prevent my fate.  
  
It was then that I felt the change happening. I felt something from my back moving, something that should have felt painful but, for some reason, didn't. A few moments later I felt light, at light as a feather. Elly looked at me, her eyes growing wide. "You have been forgiven," she said in happiness.   
  
"Krelian has been forgiven," Fei repeated, moving closer to Elly and me. In disbelief, I turned around and looked to see what had happened to me. From my back, I saw a pair of angels' wings. A miracle had taken place.  
  
"I...I have been forgiven," I said quietly. "God does exist." I was so amazed by the wonder of everything that I forgot about the two people standing by me for a few moments. Until I felt Elly stroking my wings. I turned around and, without thinking, returned the kiss Elly had given me just a minute ago. "Go live the life you love," I whispered in her ear. She smiled bravely at me for a few moments before Fei broke in.  
  
"Elly, we need to leave now," Fei said in sudden anxiousness. "Or we may not be able to make it back to earth in time!" She took his warning seriously, and the two, hand in hand, left me.  
  
"We will meet again in heaven," said as they were leaving. I don't know if they heard me. But in reality, it does not matter if they heard. Because it is a truth they already know.  
  
Just after they left, I suddenly lost control of my body. I was falling- no, I was flying up into the heavens, under someone else's control. I did not attempt to resist when I realized where my destination was. Indeed, a few minutes later, I entered heaven. There, standing before me, was the God. Not knowing what to do, I bowed in humbleness.  
  
"Welcome, Krelian," the God boomed at me in a deep voice. "There is no need to bow." God was not really male, or female, I noticed. It was a being of shimmering light, something that represented hope in humans.  
  
"Who...what...where?" I began, only to be cut off by the being.  
  
"You have many questions," God said to me, in a softer voice before, "But surely you can answer some of them? Why do you think I created Deus as a false God?"  
  
In an instant, the obvious answer came to me. "Because of...me," I stated in great shame.  
  
God looked hard at me before replying. "Indeed, Deus was created because of you. Had I not created Deus, I would have been destroyed in all of this. Humankind would be doomed. When humans came to earth 10,000 years ago, I knew that I was in danger. So I made Deus appear to be the God. This prevented you, Miang, and everyone else attempting to become one with God, unable to do so."  
  
"I am sorry," I said in great shame. I truly felt terrible for having been a part of this awful plan.  
  
The being known as God then gave me what I could have sworn was a smile. "Do not blame yourself, Krelian. It is all fate. You were one of the unlucky ones, a person who was destined to do terrible things."  
  
"I was?" I asked in surprise.  
  
"You are one of the kindest, most loving people that has ever lived on this planet," God told me in all honesty. "It was the extreme goodness you had that fated you to become evil. Remember, it was love that caused you to turn the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with love."  
  
I turned away from God in embarrassment. "I love. I have loved Elly for the last 500 years. But fate would never allow her to love me. She must love Fei." After I said that, I did something I had never done before. I cried. The tears came flowing freely down my face. I made no attempt to hide them. _I can never be truly happy, can I?_ I thought.  
  
Just then, a vision came to me. It was a vision of Fei and Elly happily talking to their friends. They had landed safely, and the planet had been saved. There was much talk of rebuilding, until the team's youngest member, Maria, piped up. "What happened to Krelian?" she asked Elly.  
  
Fei and Elly looked at each other rather uncomfortably. "He...died," Fei managed to say.  
  
Bart, however, was not fooled. "I can tell when you're hiding something, Fei," he said in anger. "Tell us what happened up there, for real."  
  
Elly spoke up in her quiet but strong voice. "Oh Bart, there is no way for me to tell you right now. Someday, when you are an old man, we will tell the world the truth." Bart, while not satisfied with the answered, seemed to understand the seriousness of the matter, as did everyone else. Just as the vision began fading, Elly entered, all alone. And she began talking to me.  
  
"Krelian, I know you are listening to us," she said calmly. "And I know the pain you are enduring in heaven. I just wanted to tell you that I love you too. Fei is the one I was meant to love, but I also love you. You will always have a special place in my heart. Stay strong, and we will meet at my death!" As she said this, the vision faded, and I was again facing God.  
  
"Was that real?" I asked.  
  
"I would not lie to you, Krelian," God told me. "Look down below you."  
  
I looked down from the clouds. Again, I could barely make out the figures of those who had defeated me. Then, my eyes focused on Elly. She looked up and gave me a knowing look. She knew. I knew. I looked up at God again. "Thank you," were my two simple words.  
  
"You are welcome," God told me. "Now, I have other business to attend to. There are more deceased souls coming into heaven. But if you need anything, you can always come here," the being said as it left. I could have sworn that God's light of hope was shining even more brightly.  
  
If I could, I would tell the people of the world about my 500 difficult years. I would tell the people how God forgave me, and how I became whole again. I would explain to them that I am really not evil, and how I finally found true love, in an odd way. I would give up the secrets of the universe. But if I could only tell the world one thing, it would be this:  
  
There is a god.  
  
The End  



End file.
